For now – life is good.

5 Apr

I don’t really have anything to report right now and I guess that’s a good thing.  We’re approaching some big moments in Colin’s life: Another holiday – his first Easter and April 8 – Colin will be seven months old.

The 8th also holds a special place in my heart, as it is the ninth anniversary of my friend Jason’s death.  Hopefully we will be able to celebrate and make the day a happy one considering it’s a good day for Colin.

I’m just trying to bask in the moment here because nothing is wrong and I don’t anticipate anything going wrong.  That is a high point for me – as I’m usually too busy during the good moments preparing myself for something bad to happen.

Today is a victory.  i wonder what tomorrow will bring.

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On the Road Again…but for the First Time

14 Mar

Live from Milwaukee…it’s Wednesday morning!  I don’t have any pictures to go along with the posts just yet because I just wanted to blog as it’s all happening so I don’t forget.  Pictures can wait until later.

We packed up the car and started the long trip…and Colin’s first out-of-state trip…to Milwaukee at noon yesterday.  Shaun will be sitting on the Sector boards for the Coasties who want to be officers-in-charge and Colin and I wanted to see the sights!  No fussing along the way – except when Mommy turned off the radio and interrupted Colin’s beautiful rendition of “On the Road Again” by Willie. We learned a few things on the drive…most importantly, we only need four ounces of formula to quench our thirst on long car rides. 

Mommy and Daddy’s dinner at Applebee’s was less than appealing.  However, Master Colin DEVOURED his squash and was practically begging for more.  Fed, dry and in his froggy PJs, he layed his head down in the Pack ‘n’ Play with minimal fuss.

This morning we woke up nice and early so we could head six blocks South to the Milwaukee Public Library Central for STORYTIME!  Storytime in a new city…HOW COOL?  We got our nametag and sang songs and read stories…enjoying every second of it.  Mega plus:  DADDY GOT TO COME WITH US!

Now for a break in the action – we nap while Daddy gets his super sexy uniform on to head to the station for work. 

Until later…:)

“Snow Day”

3 Mar

Yesterday’s post was “Today is a good day” but it can also apply to this one. 

Shaun woke up around five o’clock this morning and the power was out.  I didn’t mind so much until I woke up a few hours later and I was freezing cold!  We got several inches of snow so Shaun headed out to shovel while I got the extreme honor of waiting upon Master Colin. 

On weekends we make a nice breakfast.  I feel bad because Shaun was planning on trying a new pancake recipe using Irish oatmeal and some other yummy ingredients.  After the shoveling was completed and the baby was fed, we headed off to the local Big Boy, where I was hoping to indulge in some delicious pumpkin nut pancakes. 

We arrived and ordered up a booth for 2 1/2 and started to browse through the menu.  Much to my dismay – NO pumpkin nut pancakes.  You’d think this would put yet another kink in our day – but no.  I took it in stride and ordered plain ole pancakes.  It was a delicious meal and Shaun and I got to do some talking which was nice. 

We headed to Wal-Mart to get some necessary items for an electricity-less house along with some fun stuff for me to do during the week for Easter and headed back to the cold, dark house. 

We snuggled up just the three of us under the blankets and took a nice long nap and soon after our awakening – CLICK!  The electricity and warmth had returned. 

Instead of getting in a tizzy about the inconvenience – Shaun took my hand and walked me through it.  I thought about getting mad over something I couldn’t control, but with my family by my side we got through it and HAD FUN and most importantly, made memories.

Hey, at least I got a scrapbook page and a blog post out of it.  🙂

Today is a good day

2 Mar

In an earlier Facebook post my status read:  I’ve gone from making it from one second to the next, to one minute to the next, to one hour to the next, to one day to the next.  After dealing with the postpartum depression and thinking that life was never going to be the same again I’ve learned one simple thing – to take one day at a time.

I went from having every second of every minute of every hour of every day be horrible and terrible and no good to having days like any normal person – some good, some bad.  I’ve already learned a small amount of patience from my child and am learning to take the punches as they come, as well as welcome the laughs and good times whenever I can. 

Movies and television completely destroyed my vision of what a good life is supposed to be.  Newsflash: Problems cannot be solved in a half hour and sometimes things get fucked up beyond ALL recognition.  It’s NEVER like it is in the movies and on TV.  Never. The bad times are worse and the good times a million times better.  I get used to Colin a little bit more everyday and can say that I’m starting to forget what life was like before he came along.  Am I ready for another and the possiblity that the depression will come back again…eff no.  Am I in a place where I feel confident that I WILL make it as a successful mother and wife and that I can handle anything that comes my way? 

Yes.

Today is a good day.

For real? This is for real.

11 Aug

Coming to you this afternoon from the back patio again.  Still no energy to get out to Redolencia, but that’s ok with me this time.  At least I’m coming to you showered – lol.

We just got back on Monday night from our weekend back home.  We had our baby shower on Sunday, where we received so many wonderful gifts for our son.   Now the real nesting process will begin.  There’s only one problem in my eyes – he’ll be here in just under a month and now I’m afraid I won’t have it ready for him in time.  The other night I was in bed with Shaun and he looked at me and said “We’re going to be parents in a few weeks!”   In the back of my mind I knew it was coming – but I’ve never had it put to me that way before and it scared me.  Many girls dream of being mommies all their lives and here I am – at the doorstep to the purpose I was put here to fulfill and it’s so, so, SO close.  I never thought this time would get here.

I’m not just scared though.  I am excited and anxious for his arrival.  I am curious and unsure of what to expect during labor and delivery.  There’s a whole mix of emotions going through me right now – and the hormones aren’t exactly keeping those emotions under wraps.   Shaun’s a trooper though.  Anything that I’ve asked of him, he’s done without question.  He worries and feels bad when there’s nothing he can do to get me comfortable.  He’s been frustrated at times – but no more frustrated than I am that I have to ask him to lift a finger for me.  I hate having to do that.  It’s nice knowing that he really doesn’t mind, though.

So, now we play the waiting game.  Although I worry and fret over getting his nursery done in time, I know by the time he gets here it will all be beautiful and just right.  Shaun and I just want him to get here so we can cuddle with him and so I can meet the little man inside of me that’s been kicking me for nine months. 🙂

Under My Husband’s Orders

29 Jul

Good Morning,

I’m coming to you from the back patio today instead of Redolencia again – and from our new patio furniture!  It’s nice to have a spot out here for myself.  I think that’s part of reason I wanted to furniture so much out here.  My own private quarters.  Shaun has his mancave and I have my back patio. 

Another reason why I’m out here and not at Redolencia is because I’ve been stuck in a rut lately.   I’ve pretty much made the house our own as far as cleaning and organizing is concerned, so there really isn’t anything else to do but spot clean and little things until the baby comes.   I’m fully ready to admit that this is day 3 or 4 of not taking a shower and other than getting up to fix myself some food and use the bathroom, I haven’t left the bed until this morning when I stepped out onto the patio.  Pathetic I know – but for me right now, it feels comfortable.  I’m willing and ready to do ANYTHING that will make me feel comfortable and give me a sense of normalcy since I became pregnant.  I know in my head and in my heart that getting my ass up and getting in the shower, running into town even if it’s only to look around will make me feel 200% better, I just don’t have the energy and staying in bed feels good too.  I know in a few short weeks all of the sleepless nights and the uncomfortable days will all be worth it when they lay Mr. Man in my arms and I can fully care for him. 

Until then – I’ll take Dr. Husband’s orders and sit out on the patio and enjoy nature – unless it rains – in which case I might head to Redolencia after all.  Before I head out, though, I should probably catch a shower.  Oops.  🙂

The “unable to nest” syndrome

6 Jul

I’m coming to you today from our new home – not my usual coffeehouse nook.  I usually like to write in a slightly unfamiliar atmosphere that’s comfortable and cozy and very inspiring, but today that just didn’t happen. 

We’re right at the tail end of getting everything put into its proper place here in Ludington.  The boxes are emptied, the claims on the items the movers broke are filed and I’m settling into my homemaker lifestyle quite nicely.  There’s only one thing left to do really – except I can’t do it. 

It’s been ‘about that time’ to nest the babies room for a week or so now, but with the exception of about $200 in BabyGap merch, I have nothing ready for him.  No crib, no changing table, no books to read to him, no blankets to swaddle him.  Although I feel like a horrible mother, I realize my circumstances are far from ideal and think I’ve been dealing with it quite nicely – aside from the slight nervous breakdowns about typical “pregnant lady” stuff (i.e. my clothes not fitting, Shaun spilling the paint for the baby’s room on the deck, burning dinner, etc.) 

Point is – I’m ready to make a home for my child…now.   Once the shower gets here, I will be a nesting maniac.  However, thinking about doing all of this leads me to a fearful conclusion.  What if I don’t make the best choices for my baby?  What if I make mistakes?  The list of things that worry me could be compiled to constitute and entire novel.  I guess the best thing I can do for my baby is to tackle one problem at a time and make the best decisions I can make with the knowledge I have and information I have been given throughout life.  Sounds like the best way to do it – because the last thing I want is to wire my baby for stress for the rest of his life.  Heck – I probably already have him biting his finger nails and squenching up his forehead worrying about trivial things that only his crazy mother could dream.

So now that things are finally starting to settle down I will face the future and all of its issues by this philosophy: One thing/day at a time.  Don’t sweat the small things.  I’ll resolve to make the best decisions I can with the knowledge I’ve gained and the information that’s been given to me.  I’ll keep the list to just those things for now.  Gotta keep it simple, right?